Don’t tame the chaos—anchor yourself in it.
There’s a moment in every game of Jenga when you know—just know—that the whole thing is about to come crashing down. You tap a block, and the tower sways. Maybe you hold your breath, hoping the laws of physics will take a coffee break. Sometimes you get lucky. Other times? Collapse. But if you’ve ever played, you also know that knocking it all down is often the best part. Because then, you get to rebuild.
I think of trauma like Jenga. When things feel chaotic—whether it’s a personal crisis, a global disaster, or just the relentless grind of daily life—it can feel like the whole tower is about to fall. And the question I hear most often is: How do I stay okay when everything feels like it’s falling apart?
I’ve worked with trauma survivors, including unaccompanied minors facing uncertain futures, and I never promised them a neat and tidy ending. Instead, I focused on helping them be okay no matter what. Whether they stayed or had to return, whether the asylum came through or didn’t—I wanted them to have the inner scaffolding to withstand life’s unpredictability. And that’s what I want to share with you.
So, how do we actually stay okay when everything is chaos? Grab a metaphorical hard hat—we’re going in.
1. Burn the Forest, Let the New Growth Begin
Nature doesn’t panic when a wildfire tears through a forest. It understands something we forget: destruction makes way for renewal. Some trees won’t release their seeds until they’ve felt the heat of fire.
Humans, on the other hand, resist burning things down. We cling to old systems, familiar patterns, even when they don’t serve us. We try to patch up what’s crumbling instead of letting it go. But sometimes, the best thing we can do is let the old version of our life, our coping mechanisms, our relationships burn so that something new can grow.
This isn’t easy. It might feel like losing parts of yourself, like you’re standing in the ashes wondering if anything good can come from it. But I promise, something always does. Healing isn’t just about making peace with the fire—it’s about trusting that new life will emerge from it.
2. You Don’t Need to Control the Chaos—You Just Need to Anchor Yourself
When things feel unstable, our instinct is to grip tighter, to control every possible outcome. But here’s the kicker: control is an illusion. No matter how many lists you make, how many deep dives into worst-case scenarios you take at 3 a.m., life still does its thing.
Instead of trying to tame the chaos, focus on anchoring yourself within it. What grounds you? Maybe it’s a deep breath, a walk outside, a ridiculous meme that reminds you the world isn’t all doom. Maybe it’s reminding yourself: I’ve survived every hard thing before this. I can survive this too.
One of my favorite grounding techniques is engaging the mind-body-spirit connection. This can look like meditation, practicing earth breaths or ocean breaths, tapping, or even the classic “5-4-3-2-1” method: name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. These methods bring you back to right now—where your power actually is.
3. Chaos Exposes the Cracks—And That’s a Good Thing
Ever notice how when things go sideways, all your deepest wounds show up at the party? Anxiety, self-doubt, childhood trauma—they all RSVP’d to your crisis, and they brought snacks. It’s infuriating, really. But it’s also an opportunity.
Trauma is sneaky. It buries itself deep, convinces you it’s not there. But chaos? Chaos shakes everything loose. It exposes the fault lines so you can finally see where the real work needs to happen.
That’s why, when I work with trauma, I don’t just help clients “cope.” I help them dismantle it at the root. It’s like finding that one Jenga piece—pull it, and the whole tower collapses. Not to destroy you, but to rebuild you properly this time.
4. Find Your People, But Choose Them Wisely
When life feels out of control, we reach for connection. It’s biology—we weren’t meant to do this alone. But be mindful of who you let into your chaos. Some people will hand you a bucket. Others will hand you a match.
Choose the ones who bring peace to your storm, not fuel. Find the friends who remind you who you are when you forget. The ones who don’t just say “you got this,” but also sit with you in the wreckage until you’re ready to rebuild.
And if your people aren’t the ones who can hold space for you? It’s okay to outgrow them. It’s okay to seek new connections. This is your healing—we don’t apologize for that.
5. You’re Not Supposed to Have It All Figured Out
I need you to hear this: You are not failing just because you don’t have it all figured out.
The world is messy. Healing is messy. There’s no perfect script for how to navigate chaos. Sometimes, being okay just means making it through today. Sometimes, it means laughing at the absurdity of it all.
If you’re waiting for the moment when life feels completely stable before you allow yourself to breathe, you’ll be waiting forever. Instead, find small moments of steadiness. The warmth of your coffee. The way your favorite song hits just right. The absurd hilarity of existence itself. Let those things be enough.
Final Thoughts: Rebuild, But Build Differently
If life has knocked down your tower, don’t rush to stack the pieces back exactly as they were. Take your time. Rebuild with intention. Maybe some pieces don’t belong anymore. Maybe you need a stronger foundation this time.
Healing isn’t about making things look okay. It’s about actually being okay, no matter what happens next. And that? That’s the kind of okay that nothing—not even chaos—can take away from you.
So go ahead. Let the old parts burn. Pull that Jenga piece. And know that whatever comes next, you’ve got this.
Takeaways
Chaos isn’t the enemy; sometimes, it’s necessary for growth.
Control is an illusion—focus on grounding yourself instead.
Chaos can reveal old wounds, giving you a chance to heal them at the root.
Choose relationships that support your healing, not ones that add to the fire.
You don’t need to have it all figured out—small steady moments matter.
Healing isn’t about rebuilding things as they were, but creating something stronger.
About the Author
Elizabeth Trujillo is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist providing virtual therapy services in English and Spanish to those living in California. Elizabeth specializing in trauma recovery, anxiety, and generational healing. With a deep passion for empowering moms to break the cycle of trauma, Elizabeth combines her expertise in mind-body-spirit modalities like CRM and ART with a compassionate, humorous approach. Drawing from her own experiences as a mother and a lifelong learner of psychology, she believes in the transformative power of emotional honesty and connection. Elizabeth is dedicated to helping women navigate the messy journey of motherhood while fostering resilience in themselves and their children.
